…first of all, to You!

…first of all, to You!

It seems impossible to love people who hurt and disappoint us, yet there are no other kinds of people.

Frank Andrews

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines friendship as “a state of mutual trust and support between [group of people].” In this day and age where social media has taken over real life friendships and deep connection, we find ourselves caught up with the quantity instead of quality of friends. We are quick to speak instead of lending a listening ear. We give too much or too little in exchange of being lonely or getting hurt. We find ourselves less and less connected in friendships and embracing the “solo” culture. But fact is, we all need friends. Healthy, deep and real relationships.

Building friendships is a lifelong journey and for me, that journey can take a little longer than most people. I am introverted so you do understand when I say I’m a bit slower at warming up to people. I enjoy the company of good friends whether large or small groups. Although I’d say the latter is more of my comfort zone. I’m that girl who wants everyone to be included so much that in my past friendships, I spent years trying to nurture friendships that didn’t exist. I was obliviously giving so much in friendships where the other party just saw me as an acquaintance.

We all have the perfect picture of what our “perfect” friends should be. We’ve all probably picked friends based on status, family name, culture, or influence. Anyone who comes into our lives and does not meet our standards gets kicked off the “friends list.” Some of us have probably also picked someone that didn’t quite fit the ideal expectations but turned out to be the ABSOLUTE realest and just what we needed. For the past several years, I have spent time building and investing in healthy relationships. I have been the most open about meeting new people yet intentional about attracting and developing the right friendships. I’ve come to understand this: Friendship is not about who you know the longest but who walks in your life and takes a seat throughout ALL seasons.

Now let me back up and say, yes, social media has its negative aspect, however, some of my very strong friendships now came from a simple “hello” on social media. So what’s the point I’m trying to drive home with this post? Be open to meeting new people, invest in building healthy friendships, clear your mind from grudges from past hurts – every living being will disappoint and hurt you. Move on. Ain’t nobody said to go back to toxic relationships. By toxic, I mean friends who tear you apart instead of building you up. Those who secretly smile while you’re going through difficult times. Those that occupy your time to their benefit. Walking away from such friendship is the best thing you can do for your emotional and mental health. Everyone that come with you can’t go with you.

I stumbled upon these words years ago and it’s been my prayer ever since: Lord, I do not ask for many friends but for those whose loyalty are first of all to you.