No such thing as “The One”

No such thing as “The One”

How did you and your significant other meet? How did you know he or she was “the one?” Or you are still figuring it out? How did you fall in love? Was it love at first sight?


For me, it was far from love at first sight. I met my husband, CK, in high school. He enrolled in my school in my sophomore year…something about his dad pulled him out of his old high school because he wasn’t performing well. Thankfully, he was able to transfer his credits and start as a second year student. He was quiet and hardly spoke to any girl on campus except to me of course. Me, on the other hand, although shy, had a lot of male friends and admirers. By the end of my senior year, eleven guys would ask me out and my answer would be “no” every single time. Unlike most girls, the last thing on my mind in high school was finding a boyfriend. I was determined to get out of high school with good grades and gain admission to a reputable college to pursue my dreams and aspirations.

I knew nothing about CK except for the fact that he had a great voice and good looks. Although sometimes his lack of style and poor choice of clothes at that time was a real turn off for me.

The high school we attended was faith-based institution. Towards the end of every semester, school administration organize a grand praise and worship gathering. This event was an opportunity for the entire school to come together and worship God in songs and praises. About a week to the event, I asked CK to sing a Solo with me. No, I wasn’t in love with him. And yes, he agreed. To this date, I still don’t know what propelled me to ask him. Probably my outgoing personality at that time? We will never know. Months turned into weeks and weeks into days and soon came time for graduation. As we were moving out of our various campuses to go back home, we discovered that his house was about 30 minutes walking distance from mine. We became very close friends after graduation and the rest is history…..

There is no cinderella story here. No “romantic” beginning here. I met a guy, we became friends and we both fell in love. I remember thanking God for him and in the same breath I asked God to remove him from my life if he’s not the man he has prepared for me.

There is no such thing as the one. Many people go into relationships with expectations: “If I start dating, then I’ll be happy; He/She will solve all my problems and make me happy; everything is going to be perfect once I get married.” Marriage is a good thing. In fact, marriage is a fulfillment of God’s Word in Ephesians 5: 31-32. However, going into marriage, or any relationship for that matter, with a mindset to gain fulfillment from your partner, will leave you disappointed. I get it. I understand. Relationships are painted colorful on the outside, thus making people assume it’s rose-colored glasses, all easy and perfect when you enter into one. Fact is, relationships are hard. They take lots of effort and commitment. In order to find the right person, you equally have to be ready to become the right person. Even the “right person” if treated wrong or not loved right can sure become the wrong person for you.

So here’s my definition of The One: A person created in the image of God, whose loyalty is first of all to God, who sees faults and love regardless, who understands marriage is all or really ALL. A person who does not expect much of you and is willing to see the worst part of you. A person who equally understands and admit that he/she is flawed as well. That you both are a work in progress and together you will build each other up and be there for each other for better AND for worse.

Love is humble. Love is kind. Love is beautiful. Love embraces flaws. Love is patient. Love sees the beauty inside.

Missing The Point

Missing The Point

I am far from perfect. Growing up, I didn’t always have the best life. I recall seeing all the kids in the neighborhood in fine clothes and with the basic “necessities” of childhood. I had an overarching urge to have nice things – nice house, nice clothes, shoes, etcetera. I saw my desires and dreams far beyond my reach. I wanted a nice life and I wanted it now. I wanted the life that my friends had. But, I was missing the point.

As the last child of my parents, I spent part of my childhood with my four siblings in a tiny house. Some of my cousins will occasionally visit, which made the house even more tinnier. I liked the outdoors. I loved to play in the sun and sand. Although anything that crawled on the ground scared the crap out of me.

Father was an accountant with a big cocoa firm industry until he lost his job then he started a corn farm. I helped him with his corn farm. I pulled weeds that were growing and competing for sunlight around the roots of the corn with my tiny hands. On harvest days, after gathering bags for the market, we gathered round a coal pot fire and enjoy a hot meal of cooked or roasted corn.

Mama on the other hand, although, she comes from a royal family, loved to work. She had a produce business. She was always up as early as four in the morning to wash and scrub her carrots and other vegetables. Oh how I loved to snack on those carrots! Her vegetables were always green and fresh. I loved how she was particular with arranging her veggies on the tray for sale in the market – she always put the carrots and cucumbers in a circle near the edges of her slightly curved tray and the cabbage, green and red bell peppers and the other veggies in the middle. I remember thinking those were the most fresh looking colorful vegetables I’ve ever seen!

Mornings were my least favorite time of the day as my first chore was to sweep the 400 sqft. backyard. The only thing that motivated me was that I got to display my “artistic” nature. The zig-zag pattern I painted on the floor with the tip of the broom awakened my imaginary creative skills. No one dares walk on my beautifully orchestrated art. By noon, the leaves of the gigantic neem tree that sits in the middle of the yard would fill the entire backyard and render my art pointless. Yeah… Very few things seemed pointless to me at that time. Having nice shoes wasn’t one of them. But I had the gift of life. I had a family. I was surrounded by the people who loved me most. Yet I was missing the point.

Very often we are caught up in wanting more that we miss the point. I was that person. To say the least, I missed out on father letting go his mansion and his properties due to family dispute, so I can be safe. I missed out on mother waking up very early in the morning so my snack a.k.a carrots will be ready to take to school. I missed out on enjoying the moment because I was busy focusing on the things that were insignificant at the time. We all at some point in our lives want something more than we have. Most people get a sense of satisfaction from doing better than others. We want that friend’s clothes, or that neighbor’s car or the brother’s life and there’s nothing wrong with that. But the moment we start focusing on that desire instead of what we have, we miss out on a great deal of what we can achieve with the “little” we have.

Everyone’s journey in life is different. No two persons look or think exactly alike – not even twins. Thus, no one will have a life just like your’s. Believe in your uniqueness and inner abilities. Believe that you are wonderfully and perfectly made in God’s image. 

I found my path and I’m glad I started looking more at my strengths rather than my weakness. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me – II Corithians 12:9